Interview by Barbara Eberle, MA, OMC

I found my conversation with Joanne Gaddy, OCP, to be heartwarming. She immediately put me at ease with her gentle nature. She was clear and articulate; clever and humorous; she is clearly devoted to being of service to the couples who come to her. We, at The Ministerial Seminary of America, LLC, find that Joanne demonstrates the character, charm, intellect and integrity we strive to support.

Please feel free to give Joanne a call to see if she is available to be of service to you. Joanne performs secular, spiritual, and religious wedding services. She is willing to travel at the couple’s expense to any location that accepts her credentials. Joanne has performed weddings in Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Florida, and will perform a wedding in Massachusetts in August, 2008. The following shares Joanne’s responses to our questions.

Joanne, why did you choose to become an officiant?

Everything in my life is an interesting story. I have some friends who were looking for something nontraditional for their wedding ceremony. They asked me to get an online ordination in order to perform their ceremony. So, I did. I joined the Church of Human Spiritualism.

After that, two other couples within the same social circle contacted me and asked if I would perform their wedding ceremonies. I subsequently received a request from the Spiritual Humanism website.

Regarding my designation as an Ordained Clergy Person—OCP—all I had to do was type my name in a box. Since I wanted a certificate, I paid $15. For an additional $75, I could be a Reverend, but most Reverends have studied for years; it wouldn’t fit my sense of integrity to pay for that title and pretend to be something I’m not.

What are your beliefs about performing wedding ceremonies?

Personally, I wish our laws were more in accord with Canada’s regarding legal gay marriage. Canada is very clear regarding separation of church and state. An officiant need only be registered with the government. I support gay marriage because I believe that love is in way too short a supply in this world, and it ought to be encouraged however and wherever it appears.

I am very comfortable with alternative lifestyles, and in August I will be performing the marriage ceremony for two gay friends of mine in Provincetown, Massachusetts. It will be a legal marriage there!

I received a call this morning from a bride who wanted to know if I do same-day services. I will, as long as the license is valid. It appears that they went to the judge a few times—once they didn’t have the proper ID, and once it was an obscure Illinois state holiday. They will come over later this evening, and I will perform the service here in my home.

In another case, I received an email from a couple who wanted to renew their vows. The husband had cancer and they were trying to create a memory. In addition, she had lupus. When they asked about my fee, I told them whatever they could afford, down to absolutely nothing, was just fine, and they shouldn’t worry in the slightest about paying me. They had to cancel because he took a turn for the worse. My commitment is to provide whatever the couple needs, at a price they can afford. Granted, the money is important, but under no circumstance is money number one to me.

What are some of your favorite memories regarding officiating weddings?

What I like about performing weddings nowadays is that the words and actions can be completely customized to meet the couple’s needs and desires. One bride vowed to “always put the toilet paper on the right way”! Another wedding couple had planned to elope but scheduled a surprise wedding instead. They didn’t tell anyone until 45 minutes before I arrived (Christmas time). I told the guests that this couple was going to elope but that they decided something very important would be missing if they did: "All of you. And that’s when they hatched their nefarious plan to surprise you”! I was so excited that they let me say “nefarious plan”!

At several weddings, there’s been a wonderful (planned) response to my question “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” The bride’s parents stand up and say “She gives herself, with our blessing.” Very empowering!

At another wedding, the bride was much closer to her mother, so her mother walked her down the aisle.

Is there a particular couple or wedding service that you would like to tell us about?

I performed a wedding for a couple where the bride was a practicing animist and the non-religious groom’s parents were very Catholic. After the ceremony, his parents were very upset because the ceremony did not include much Catholicism. It was a lovely ceremony that included a handfasting and invoked the blessing of the four directions. Anyway, after the ceremony, I spent time talking with the parents; by the end of the evening, they were thanking me for the beautiful ceremony. That felt wonderful.

I received a call once from the mother of the groom. Apparently the bride was Catholic and very active in her church. However, since the bride and groom had been living with each other, her church refused to marry them. It annoyed me beyond words; that sort of thing is one of the reasons I chose Spiritual Humanism rather than a more “traditional” online religious ordination. I tell people I was raised Catholic, but gave it up for Lent. I guess I’m a little on the irreverent side.

Joanne, what would you like to share with our readers about you personally?

I’ve had a lot of challenges in my life. I have scleroderma, a condition that is similar to lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. I’ve been on disability since 1999. Luckily, I have a relatively mild form of the disease. I've learned from my difficulties to always honor one's own integrity. The Universe takes extremely good care of me. Weddings became a real business for me right at the time some other work I was doing at home disappeared.

I recently won a car, in an online contest: a 2008 Mazda. In my life, one miracle must lead to another. A friend’s car was stolen a few months ago. Needless to say, I told her “As soon as I get my new car, I’m going to give you my Subaru.”

In the late 80s/early 90s I did a lot of volunteer work with people with AIDS. I buried about 100 friends. It was an honor and a privilege to hold their hands and help them on their journey. In particular, I remember the night Don died. His friends were gathered around the bed, mostly from 12-step programs. At one point, someone started the Lord’s Prayer. When we finished, Don said "What’s next?" Well, a friend of mine who was going to DC for woman’s march said it was because she hadn’t sung Kumbaya since college; that popped into my mind, so I said “Kumbaya?” The laughter broke the tension, and we did sing Kumbaya!

Things settled down and I went to the chapel to collect myself. Don’s partner came in and said he had to leave; he couldn’t be there for Don's s passing. “You have to do whatever you can live with tomorrow,” I said. "But have you told Don that you love him and that it’s OK for him to go?" "No," he said. “That you must do,” I told him, so he headed back to Don's room. He told Don that he loved him, and with that, Don nodded, took a breath, and died.

Along the way, I’ve had many challenges. At one point my insurance company denied my disability and I lost 2/3 of my income. Although, as I knew I would, I won on appeal (18 LONG months later), I wouldn’t have survived if I did not have the best friends on this earth. I also have access to some community funds for those in need. The first time I received financial assistance from one of those funds, I was fighting an insurance company on a pre-existing condition clause; I was panicking that I’d lose access to (expensive) medications. A particular club assisted me with some funds; the fund’s chair asked if he should drop the check off or mail it. I tearfully promised him I would pay it back, but he said “No, you won’t. We don’t loan money.”

My response was to hold a fundraising birthday party, asking my friends to help me “pay forward.” I’ve repeated that every five years. The third such party was this past year, my 55th birthday; we raised $2,400 for three organizations.

When I had major surgery a few years ago, I had about 25 friends hanging around with me at the hospital to be sure I was taken care of. My life is amazing. I’m so blessed. I have more love in my life on a daily basis than most people ever have.

Joanne, thanks for taking the time to complete our interview.

You are so welcome. I’m honored.

 

Email: joanne@amethystengagements.com

Telephone: (773) 878-7817
(10 am to 8pm Central Time)